Personality Isn't Permanent

Jan 16, 2022 · 28 min read  ·
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Table of Contents

I Purpose

II Expectations

I'm writing this after the fact. I think I heard about this probably on a podcast or the Amazon algorithm pushed it toward me an I caved. I can say that the book filled what I needed. I'm not sure that several of the concepts in the book would hold up over time, but I think in many ways it was the perfect book for the new year and what I needed to read. It has been part of the catalyst I've needed to jumpstart my year.

III Results

I'm at the point of now doing the work about this book, but I can say it was good for what I needed on the leisurely first pass I just did. I didn't read this book critically, but I did take some notes on concepts that I found interesting. I'm going to make a second pass now. I think Dr. Hardy has some insights here. I was not surprised in reading it to see the names Dan Sullivan and Joe Polish along the way. That's not a bad thing, more of an amusement on my end.

After finishing my notes, in general I like this book. It has a decent overview of several topics of interest but didn't deep dive into any as much as I'd want, but at least there are some clues to further reading. Not the most polished thing and nothing revolutionary.

IV Works Cited

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Myths of Personality

Chapter 2: The Truth of Personality

  • Arden, Paul. It's Not How Good Your Are, It's How Good You Want to Be (New York: Phaidon, 2003).
  • Plato. Euthyphro, Apology of Socrates, and Citro ed. John Burnet (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1977).
  • Cole, Patrick. "David Bouley, Charlie Trotter to Cook for Disabled Kids," Bloomberg, May 30, 2012.
  • Brooks, David. "The Man Wishes He Were Here," The New York Times, August 29, 2019.
  • Wilson, Colin. New Pathways in Psychology: Maslow and the Post-Freudian Revolution (London: Victor Gallancz, 1972).
  • Einstein, Albert quoted by Alice Calaprice. The Expanded Quotable Einstein (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2000).
  • Suddendorf, Thomas, Brinums, Melissa and Imuta, Kana. "Shaping One's Future Self - The Development of Deliberate Practice," in Seeing the Future: Theoretical Perspectives on Future-Oriented Mental Time Travel, ed Kourken Michaelian, Stanley B. Klein, and Karl K. Szpunar, 343-66 (New York: Oxford University Press, 2016).
  • McConaughey, Matthew. "Matthew McConaughey Winning Best Actor," YouTube, March 11, 2014.
  • Elrod, Hal. The Miracle Equation: The Two Decisions That Move Your Biggest Goals from Possible, to Probable, to Inevitable (New York: Harmony Books, 2019).
  • Theil, Peter with Masters, Blake. Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future (New York: Broadway Business, 2014).
  • Van Eerde, Wendelien and Thierry, Henk. "Vroom's Expectancy Models and Work-Related Criteria: A Meta-analysis." Journal of Applied Psychology 81, no 5 (1996):575
  • Snyder, C R, Rand, Kevin L and Sigmon, David R. "Hope Theory: A Member of the Positive Psychology Family," Handbook of Positive Psychology, ed C R Snyder and Shane Lopez, 257-76 (New York: Oxford University Press, 2002).
  • Dethmer, Jim, Chapman, Diana and Klemp, Kaley. The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success (Conscious Leadership Group, 2015).
  • Assaraf, John. Retrieved in December 2019
  • Baumeister, Roy F and Tierney, John. Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength (New York: Penguin, 2012).
  • Maslow, Abraham H. "Peak Experiences as Acute Identity Experiences," American Journal of Psychoanalysis 21, no 2 (1961): 254-62.
  • Maslow, Abraham H. Religions, Values, and Peak-Experiences (Columbus: Ohio State University Press, 1964).
  • Langer, Ellen J. The Power of Mindful Learning (Boston: Lifelong Books/A Merloyd Lawrence Book, 2016; originally published 1997).
  • Shohamy, Daphna. "Learning from Experience: How Our Brains Remember the Past and Shape Our Future," YouTube, April 7,2016.
  • Carlton, R N. "Fear of the Unknown: One Fear to Rule Them All?." Journal of Anxiety Disorders 41 (2016): 5-21.
  • Wimmer, G Elliott, Braun, Erin Kendall, Daw, Nathaniel D and Shohamy, Daphna. "Episodic Memory Encoding Interferes with Reward learning and Decreases Striatal Prediction Errors," Journal of Neuroscience 34, no 45 (2014): 14901-12.
  • Watkins, Philip C, Woodward, Kathrane, Stone, Tamara and Kolts, Russel L. "Gratitude and Happiness: Development of a Measure of Gratitude, and Relationships with Subjective Well-Being," Social Behavior and Personality: An International Journal 31, no 5 (2003):431-51.
  • Redwine, Laura et al. "A Pilot Randomized Study of a Gratitude Journaling Intervention on HRV and Inflammatory Biomarkers in Stage B Heart Failure Patients," Psychosomatic Medicine 78, no 6 (2016):667
  • Burrow, Joe. Interview with ESPN, Janurary 6,2020.

Chapter 3: Transform Your Trauma

Chaper 4: Shift Your Story

  • Livingston, Gordon. Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True THings You Need to Know Now (Boston: Lifelong Books, 2009).
  • Alrdin, Buzz and Abraham, Ken. Magnificent Desolation: The Long Journey Home from the Moon (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2010).
  • "The Jump: Rachel Nichols Interviews Giannis Antetokounmpo," YouTube, July 22, 2019. - had to find a new link- one in book didn't work.
  • Sullivan, Dan and Nomura, Catherine. The Laws of Lifetime Growth: Always Make Your Future Bigger Than Your Past (Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler, 2016).
  • Baumeister, Roy F. Meanings of Life (New York: Guilford Press, 1991).
  • Park, Crystal L. "Making Sense of the Meaning Literature: An Integrative Review of Meaning Making and Its Effects on Adjustment to Stressful Life Events," Psychological Bulletin 136, no 2 (2010): 257.
  • Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2004; originally published 1989).
  • Grandey, Alicia A. "Emotional Regulation in the Workplace: A New Way to Conceptualize Emotional Labor," Journal of Occupational Health Psychology 5, no 1 (2000): 95.
  • McAdams, Dan P and McLean, Kate C. "Narrative Identity," Current Directions in Psychological Science 22, no 3 (2013): 233-38.
  • Sullivan, Dan. The Gap and the Gain, Strategic Coach. - link doesn't work.
  • Baker, Russell. Growing Up (New York: RosettaBooks, 2011; originally published 1982).
  • Bridge, D J and Paller, K A. "Neural Correlates of Reactivation and Retrieval-Induced Distortion," Journal of Neuroscience 32, no 35 (2012): 12144-51.
  • Ravikant, Kamal. Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It (CreateSpace, 2012).
  • Christensen, Clayton. How Will You Measure Your Life? (New York: Harper Business, 2012)
  • Arden, Paul. It's Not How Good Your Are, It's How Good You Want to Be (New York: Phaidon, 2003).
  • Miranda, Lin-Manuel, Lacamoire, Alex and Chernow, Ron. Hamilton: An American Musical (Atlantic Recording Corporation, 2015).

Chapter 5: Enhance Your Subconscious

  • Sarno, John E. Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection (New York: Warner Books, 1991).
  • van der Kolk, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (New York: Penguin, 2015).
  • Dobbs, David quoted Steven Cole. "The Social Life of Genes," Pacific Standard, September 3, 2013.
  • Pert, Candace B. Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel the Way You Feel (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997).
  • Dispenza, Joe. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2012).
  • Hendricks, Gay. The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level (New York: HarperCollins, 2009).
  • Pert, Candice. "Your Body Is Your Subconscious Mind" (audio CD)(Louisville, CO: Sounds True, 2004).
  • Ozanich, Steven Ray. The Great Pain Deception: Faulty Medical Advice Is Making Us Worse 1st ed.(Warren, OH: Silver Cord Records, 2011).
  • Franklin, Benjamin in Tryon Edwards (ed) A Dictionary of Thoughts (Detroit, MI: F B Dickerson Co, 1907), 339.
  • "Dr. Cinque's Facts about Fasting." Retrieved in December 2019.
  • Chan, J L, Mietus, J E, Raciti, P M, Goldberger, A L and Mantzoros, C S. "Short-term Fasting-induced Autonomic Activation and Changes in Catecholamine Levels Are Not Mediated by Changes in Leptin Levels in Healthy Humans," Clinical Endocrinology 66, no 1 (2006): 49-57.
  • Martin, B, Mattson, M P and Maudsley, S. "Caloric Restriction and Intermittent Fasting: Two Potential Diets for Successful Brain Aging," Ageing Research Reviews 5, no 3 (2006): 332-53.
  • Horne, B D, Bartholomew, C, Anderson, J L, May, H T, Knowlton, K U, Bair, T L and Muhlestein, J B. "Intermittent Fasting Lifestyle and Human Longevity in Cardiac Catheterization Populations," Circulation 140, no suppl_1 (2019): A11123.
  • Singh, R, Manchanda, S, Kaur, T, Kumar, S, Lakhanpal, D, Lakhman, S S and Kaur G. "Middle Age Onset Short-Term Intermittent Fasting Dietary Restriction Prevents Brain Function Impairments in Male Wistar Rats," Biogerontology 16, no 6 (2015): 775-88.
  • Johnson, J B, Summer, W, Cutler, R G, Martin, B, Hyun, D-H, Dixit, V D, Pearson, M, Nassar, M, Tellejohan, R, Maudsley, S, Carlson, O, John, S, Laub, D R and Mattson, M R. "Alternate Day Calorie Restriction Improves Clinical Findings and Reduces Markers of Oxidative Stress and Inflaimmation in Overweight Adults with Moderate Asthma," Free Radical Biology and Medicine 42, no 5 (2007): 665-74.
  • Michalsen, A, Schlegel, F, Rodenbeck, A, Ludtke, R, Huether, G, Teschler, H and Dobos, G J. "Effects of Short-Term Modified Fasting on Sleep Patterns and Daytime Vigilance in Non-Obese Subjects: Results of a Pilot Study," Annals of Nutrition and Metabolism 47, no 5 (2003): 194-200
  • Fontan-Lozano, A, Saez-Cassanelli, J L, Inda, M C, de los Santos-Arteaga, M, Sierra-Dominguez, S A, Lopez-Lluch, G, and Carrion, A M. "Caloric Restriction Increases Learning Consolidation and Facilitates Synaptic Plasticity Through Mechanisms Dependent on NR2B Subunits of the NMDA Receptor," Journal of Neuroscience 27, no 38 (2007): 10185-95.
  • Horvath, T L and Diano, S. "The Floating Blueprint of Hypothalamic Feeding Circuits," Nature Reviews Neuroscience 5, no 8 (2004): 662-67.
  • Gladwell, Malcom. The Tim Ferriss Show Transcripts: Malcolm Gladwell (#168). Retrieved December 2019.
  • Lapin, Rabbi Daniel. Thou Shall Prosper: Ten Commandments for Making Money (Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2009).
  • Harbaugh, W T, Mayr, U and Burghart, D R. "Neural Responses to Taxiation and Voluntary Giving Reveal Motives for Charitable Donations," Science 316 (5831): 1622-25.
  • Dunn, E W, Aknin, L B and Norton, M I. "Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness," Science 319, no 5870 (2008): 1687-88
  • Achor, Shawn. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles That Fuel Success and Performance at Work (London: Virgin, 2011).
  • Nelson, Wendy Watson. "Becomming the Person You Were Born to Be," Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, January 10, 2016.
  • Hansen, Mark Victor and Allen, Robert G. The One Minute Millionaire: The Enlightened Way to Wealth (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2009).

Chapter 6: Redesign Your Environment

  • Lipton, Bruce H. The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2005).
  • Langer, Ellen J. Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility (New York: Ballantine, 2009).
  • Shakesspeare, As You Like It, act 2, scene 7.
  • Ross, Lee and Nisbett, Richard E. The Person and the Situation: Perspectives of Social Psychology (London: Pinter & Martin, 2011; originally published 1991).
  • Slife, Brent D and Wiggins, Bradford J. "Taking Relationship Seriously in Psychotherapy: Radical Relationality," Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy 39, no 1 (2009): 17.
  • Slife, Brent D. "Taking Practice Seriously: Toward a Relational Ontology," Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology 24, no 2 (2004): 157.
  • Slife, Brent D and Richardson, Frank C. "Problematic Ontological Underpinnings of Positive Psychology: A Strong Relational Alternative," Theory and Psychology 18, no 5 (2008): 699-723.
  • Tome, Gina et al. "How Can Peer Group Influence the Behavior of Adolescents: Explanatory Model," Global Journal of Health Science 4, no 2 (2012): 26.
  • Laajaj, Rachid et al. "Challenges to Capture the Big Five Personality Traits in Non-WEIRD Populations," Science Advnaces 5, no 7 (2019): eaaw5226.
  • Soto, Christopher. "The Famous Big 5 Personality Test Might Not Reveal the True You," NPR, July 10, 2019.
  • Sill, Sterling W quoted James Whistler. "Great Experiences," Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  • Willson, Meredith. The Music Man (1957).
  • Ziglar, Zig. Goals (New York: Simon & Schuster Audio, 1995).
  • Schwartz, Barry. The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less (New York: Ecco, 2004).
  • Ferriss, Tim. "Jason Fried - How to Live Life on Your Own Terms (#329)," Tim Ferriss Blog.
  • Diamandis, Peter. "What the News Media Won't Tell You About Global Violence."
  • Durant, Will and Durant, Ariel. The Lessons of History (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2012; originally published 1968).
  • Tosi, Christina. Chef's Table, Netflix.
  • Damveld, Herman J, Beerens, Gijs C, Van Paassen, Marinus M and Mulder, Max. "Design of Forcing Functions for the Identification of Human Control Behavior," Journal of Guidance, Control, and Dynamics 33, no 4 (2010): 1064-81.
  • Kotler, Steven. The Rise of Superman: Decoding the Science of Ultimate Human Performance (New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2014).
  • Goldsmith, Marshall and Reiter, Mark. Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts - Becoming the Person Your Want to Be (New York: Corwn Business, 2015).
  • Dyer, Wayne W. Your Erroneous Zones (audio)(New York: Funk & Wagnalls, 1976).

Conclusion: Embrace Your Future to Change Your Past

  • Katie, Byron and Mitchell, Stephen. Loving What Is: How Four Questions Can Change Your Life (New York: Random House, 2008).

V Notes

Introduction: A Personality Test Almost Ruined My Life

  • (1) Color Code test - White judged harshly.
  • (2) MBTI, DISC, Winslow Personality Test, NEO, HEXACO, Birkman, Enneagram, inblots, more.
  • (3) Past as predictor of future is flawed
  • (4) Viktor Frankl - last of human freedoms

    To choose one's own way.

  • (4a) Key factors influence your ability to make choices:
    • social & cultural environments
    • Emotional Development as a person
  • (5) Social norms discount choice
  • (6) Choice = creativity
  • (6a) Personality is trained- avoidance of decisions to do different.
  • (7) Goal to chase

The Past Is Not Prologue

  • (8) Most successful identity based on future self
  • (9) Rober Pirsig in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

    Steel can be any shape you want if you are skilled enough, and any shape but the one you want if you are not.

  • (9a) objectives:
    • outline myths of personality
    • decide future self
    • emotional flexible from past
    • reframe trauma: for you not to you
    • confidence to define purpose
    • network of "empathetic witnesses"
    • enhance subconscious
    • redesign your environment

Why Listen to Dr. Benjamin Hardy?

  • (12) no longer guy from high school
  • (12a) left environment - missionary
  • (13) worked through trauma by:
    • Reading more than 100 books
    • journaling
    • conversations with loving friends and leaders
    • outreach
    • 2 years
  • (13a) PhD in organizational psychology

One: The Myths of Personality

  • (17) Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr:

    A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.

  • (20) view of self constantly changing - result of current focus, context, and emotions
  • (21) Peter Diamandis:

    A single individual driven by a purpose can change the world. And you can change the world. I truly believe that.

    • Massively Transformative Purpose (MTP)
  • (23) Personality is dynamic
  • (24) Myths of Personality:
    • Personality categorized into types
    • Personality is innate
    • Personality is based on experiences
    • Personality is discovered
    • Personality is truth

Myth 1: Personality Can Be Categorized into "Types"

  • (26) Personality types are social constructions, not real.
  • (27) Dr. Adam Grant:

    The Myers-Briggs is like asking people what do you like more: shoelaces or earrings? You tend to infer that there's going to be an 'aha!' even though it's not a valid question... [It] creates the illusion of expertise about psychology.

  • (27a) social science standards to determin merit:
    • reliable
    • valid
    • independent
    • comprehensive
  • (28) "Labels can serve goals, but goals should never serve labels."
  • (29) Dr Katherine Rogers:

    We know that personality doesn't work in types....I wouln't trust the Myers and Briggs to tell me any more about my personality than I would trust my horoscope.

  • (30) most scientifically backed theory of personality - "five factors"
    • openness to new experience
    • conscientiousness (organized, motivated, goal-directed)
    • extroversion (energized and connected to other people)
    • agreeableness (friendly and optimistic)
    • neuroticism (handle stress and negative emotions)
  • (31) people WANT to view themselves as more fluid and flexible
  • (33) when you define people by past, they can't change (Les Mis)

Myth 2: Personality Is Innate and Fixed

  • (34) 60 year study in Scotland (14 to 77). Most changed personality traits (self-confidence, perserverance, stability of mood, conscientiousness, originality and desire to learn)
  • (35) Dr. Daniel Gilbert:

    Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished.

  • (37) obstacles predicting and creating future personality
    • "end of history" illusion
    • overemphasize history
  • (37a) Dallin Oaks:

    We make countless choices in life, some large and some seemingly small. Looking back, we can see what a great difference some of our choices made in our lives. We make better choices and decisions if we look at the alternatives and ponder where they will lead.... Our present and our future will be happier if we are always conscious of the future...."Where will this lead?" is also important in choosing how we label or think of ourselves....Don't choose to label yourselves or think of yourselves in terms that put a limit on a goal for which you might strives.

Myth 3: Personality Comes from Your Past

  • (40) Reasons for casual determinism of personality:
    • defined by past taumas that haven't been reframed
    • identity narrative bsaed on the past, not the future
    • subconscious keeps consistent with former self and emotions
    • environment supports current rather than future identity
  • (44) History changes with perspective
  • (46) Past is not objective
  • (46a) > A clear indicator that someone has unresolved trauma is that his life and personality are repetitive for an extended period.
  • (48) Psychological flexibility - face your past, face your future

Myth 4: Personality Must Be Discovered

  • (51) inspiration follows action
  • (55) waiting for discovery leads to fixed mindset
  • (57) Clayton Christensen:

    The path to happiness is about finding someoen who you want to make happen, someone whose happiness is woth devoting yourself to.

Myth 5: Personality Is Your True and "Authentic" Self

  • (59) Fixed personality gives people the excuse not to grow

Two: The Truth of Personality

  • (69) questions about goals and ambitions
    • What are you trying to accomplish?
    • What is the ultimate end to what you're doing?
    • Why have you chosed this path?
    • Is this worth doing?
    • Are you going somewhere?
    • Are your sights too low?

Your Goals Shape Your Identity

  • (74) List out your activities and motivation behind them

The Three Sources of All Goals

  • (77) 1. Exposure - you have to know an opportunity exists.
  • (80) 2. Desire - you have to want enough to overcome entropy.
  • (82) 3. Confidence - you have to believe you can make the opportunity happen.

Identity Should Be Intentionally Designed, Based on Your Desired Future Self

  • (87) Give youself someeone to chase

Select and Pursue One Major Goal: Your Future-Self Filter

  • (90) One and only one goal that is measurable, definable, and visualizable.
  • (90a) Focus creates momentium and confidence that spills over to other areas
  • (92) Expectancy theory suggests you need 3 things for high motivation:
    • A clear and compelling goal
    • A path or process you believe will lead to attainment
    • A belief that you execute and succeed

Commit to Your One Major Goal: Why Results Matter

  • (93) > Will it make the boat go faster?

Go to Bed One Hour Earlier: Eliminate Destructive Consumption

  • (97) low willpower to fight dopamine hits

Wake Up One Hour Earlier: Make Power Moves Daily Toward Your Future Self

  • (99) Working on future first thing. "Peak Experience"
  • (101) We're wired to default to safe, but the most powerful memories come from novel experiences.
  • Dr. Shohamy - brain learns through "prediction errors"

Transform Yourself Daily Through Journaling

  • (103) Envisioning and strategizing. Preframe ritual
    • distraction-free environment
    • Meditating prior
    • Review your vision or goals
    • Write what you're grateful for - past, present, future
    • Just before or after sleep preferable
  • (104) Goals should be one major and a subset of specific next actions
  • (104a) Goal prompts:
    • Where am I now?
    • What were the wins from the past 90 days?
    • What are the wins I want from the next 90 days?
    • Where do I want to be in three years?
    • Where do I want to be in one year?
  • (105) Gratitude journaling

Expect to Succeed: A Conversation with Your Future Self

  • (108) For this to work you need to believe in yourself

Three: Transform Your Trauma

  • (112) Memory of trauma preventing growth.
  • (112a) Steven Pressfield - "resistance"

Trauma Shatters Hope and Eliminates the Future

  • (114) Math trauma common. Bad experience so people stop trying - default to fixed mindset
  • (116) fixed mindset = premature cognitive commitment
  • (116a) fixed mindset results in an exaggerate fear of failure
  • (116b) Robert Brault:

    We are kept from our goal not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal.

  • (117) Gabor Mate, MD:

    What we call the personality is often a jumble of genuine traits and adopted coping styles that do not reflect our true self at all but the loss of it.

Personality as the By-Product of Trauma

  • narrative of previous point

Moving Past Trauma

  • (121) goal to reduce refractory period
  • (122) Dr. Joe Dispenza:

    If you keep that refactory period going for weeks and months, you've developed a temperament. If you keep that same refactory period going on for years, it's called a personality trait. When we begin to develop personality traits based on our emotions, we're living in the past, and that's where we get stuck. Teaching ourselves and our children to shorten the refactory period frees us to move through life without obstruction.

Empathetic Witness: How to Transform Trauma

  • (124) Eleanor Roosevelt:

    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

  • (126) "Listen to them, ask good questions, never judge, and never advise."
  • (127) Narrative in your words
  • (128) Courage in the face of trauma
  • (129) Small acts can have big impacts
  • (131) a powerful future -> lots of failures -> team of empathetic witnesses
  • (131a) accountability partners

Becoming an Empathetic Witness to Those Around You

  • (132) Dr. Henry Eyring:

    When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble and you will be right more than half the time

  • (133) possible open ended questions:
    • Can you explain more for me?
    • What do you mean by that?
    • Why was that part so important?
    • Have you given up on the idea of a better future?
    • What positives have come from this?
    • How will your future be different because of this?
    • What can you do now to move forward?
    • How can I help?

Four: Shift Your Story

  • (140) Giannis Antetokounmpo:

    ...I'm just going to relax. And I do not want to do that. I'm proud of it, But let's go for the next goal.

Creating "Meaning" Through Stories

  • (144) Dr. Crystal Park - human beings create meaning by:
    • define the cause of an event (What just happened?)
    • link that cause with our own identity (What does this say about me?)
    • link both cause and our identity with bigger picture (What does all of this say about the world?)
  • (145) Sean Stephenson:

    This happened for me, not to me.

  • (148) Emotional regulation.
    • (149) identifying and labeling your emotions
    • understand difference primary and secondary emotions. Primary just feel. Secondary are where problems happen
    • Acknowledge negative emotions and let go

Your Past is Fiction: It's Your Story - Get Creative

  • Story about becoming nonsmoker

The Gap and the Gain: Reframing Your Narrative

  • (153) Dan McAdams: Narrative identity
    • past, present, and future are holistic and co-occurring.
    • facts don't change, but the story does
    • some facts may drop out or return based on how the story goes
    • facts don't have charge - the story makes them positive and negative
  • (155) Measure the gain (progress), not the gap (distance to go)
  • (156) Filter past through your future self
  • (159) Step One: Shift Past Meanings From "Gap" to "Gain"
  • (160) Step Two: Think About One to Three Negative Experiences From Your Past
  • (161) Step Three: List All Of The Benefits Or "Gains" From Those Experiences
  • (161a) Step Four: Have A Conversation Between Your Future Self and Your Former Self
  • (162) Step Five: Change The Identity Narrative Of Your Former Self
  • (163) Avoid recalling difficult memories when ill prepared
  • (164) Observer effect

Your Future Is Fiction: What's It Gonna Be

  • (166) decision fatigue vs committed decision
  • (167) Clayton Christensen:

    It's easier to hold to your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hole them 98 percent of the time.

  • (169) Step One: Honestly Examine The Future You've Consigned Yourself to
  • (170) Step Two: Write Your Own Biography
  • (171) Step Three: Imagine Your Future Self Three Years Out
  • (173) Step Four: Tell Everyone Your New Story...Your Future Self

Five: Enhance Your Subconscious

  • (179) Steven Ozanich - The Great Pain Deception

Your Memories Are Physical, and Your Body Is Emotional

  • (184) Bessel van der Kolk, MD - The Body Keeps the Score
  • (185) The body is an emotional system. Emotions are chemical
  • (186) Dr Gay Hendricks - The Big Leap - self sabotage to maintain stasis
  • (188) "Willpower doesn't work for overcoming additctions, at least not in an effective or predictable way."

Practice Fasting

  • mostly personal experience

Give Money Away: Make Regular Charitable Donations

  • (192) subconscious benefit of signaling you are the type of person that gives to others
  • (193) giving based on your future wealth

Six: Redesign Your Environment

  • (197) Dr. Ellen Langer - experiment to make men younger by environment

Context Shapes Roles: Roles Shape Identity and Biology

  • (198) "It takes extreme intentionality and decisiveness not to default to an expected social or cultural role."
  • (199) Personality is context based
  • (200) Lee Ross:

    We see consistency in everyday life because of the power of the situation.... People are predictable, that's true...But they're predictable because we see them in situations where their behavior is constrained by that situation and the roles they're occupying and the relationships they have with us.

  • (202) atomic vs relational worldview

Strategic Remembering

  • (205) continuous remind of what is possible
  • (206) Tim Ferriss keeping The Magic of Thinking Big prominently on shelf
  • (207) Culture Wall
  • (208) Fill environment with transformational triggers

Strategic Ignorance

  • (210) Barry Schwartz: The Paradox of Choice
    • We assume that more choice means better options and greater satisfaction
    • Choice overload makes you question the decisions you make before making them
    • overload leaves you in perpetual FOMO
    • perpetual decision anxiety
  • (211) Your Environment should shield you
  • (213) Get Valuable feedback

Forcing Functions

  • (216) To work, they need to be decisive and have a time constraint
  • (217) Create fast-er feedback loops
  • (217a) Gamify your life
  • (217b) Motivations, such as financial stakes

Conc: Embrace Your Future to Change Your Past

Not It's Your Turn

Acknowledgments

  • (232) Dr. Robert Sinclair - Clemson - mentor in Industrial and Organizational Psychology
  • (232) Joe Polish ELF projects?

Notes

Index